Being ADHD

It’s not a matter of being smart or not. I know I’m smart, yeah I’m no Einstein but I’d like to think of myself as pretty average. People don’t seem to get, like I say I’m ADHD and they think I’m some kid who is bouncing off the walls or that kid that’s always tapping on the desk. Quite frankly, I can’t stand that. I’m not the same; I get distracted, I forget, I feel cluttered and confused. But that doesn’t make me any less smart, though when you mess up and forget this one part of essay or that one reason why the answer is correct, and keep on reading sentence over and over again. And if that’s not enough, keep on getting paper that has a big giant “F” on them it tends to get to you. You tell your teachers about your problems but that doesn’t seem to help, to be honest they don’t care. You’re just one of their one-hundred and fifty-two students, and they are just trying to meet the district standards. I feel as if I am swimming, not swimming but drowning and I’m yelling “HELP! HELP! HELP! SAVE ME!” and they are like “But this other kid can do it, why can’t you? You’re not a baby anymore. Pay more attention next time.” I’m not looking for sympathy, that’s just not my thing. I need someone to help me able to feel like everyone else. That is hard me to say, I don’t ask for help. I just can’t. I feel like I am running ten marathons but to everyone else I’m just running a mile. I feel like I try SO HARD, but it’ll never be good enough. They still tell me to try harder. I don’t know what to do any more. I just wanna hide. I wanna go away, where no one can see me or judge me. Just me in my chaotic serenity, where I can be me and it’ll be okay. Where being me is good enough. People tell me “it’s not like it changed anything about you”. No it hasn’t but it’s not like when they diagnosed you they hand you a packet and are like “Hi! You’ve been diagnosed with ADHD; here are your pills and magic solutions to making life completely simple”. No, they give you a pill but that just helps you pay attention. It doesn’t help you remember. It doesn’t help you get it. You work at it and work at it and even when it doesn’t work you still are working at it. They tell “pay more attention next time!” Yeah, with what attention span! Like it’s that simple; one, two, three, we are done! It’s not as easy to deal with, as it may seem. To be honest it’s REALLY tough and that’s not the worst part. The worst part is that no seems to get me, nothing or no one seems to help. People don’t seem to be able to relate, no matter how hard they try. Ya know what else peeves me, when people say “OH! I’m SO ADHD” to me they don’t seem like it at all, so I ask “what do you take?” so whatever they’re taking must be the “good stuff”and their response is “Nothing, but I am SO sure I’m ADHD!” It’s like no, you don’t! The other thing that peeves me is when people say ADHD is just an excuse to take medicine it’s like “hun, if I didn’t have to take this pill, promise me! I wouldn’t!” So, yes, ADHD really exists. Quite frankly if I didn’t have it my life would be so easy.  They say you’re special and no other person is like you yet they act as if everyone is the same. The only thing that helps me is the thought that one day all this will be gone and it’ll be easier, I know it will. It just takes time, I guess..

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2 thoughts on “Being ADHD

  1. Hey, we go to the same school and I really don’t want you to know my name. However I notice how hard you try, how frustrated you get and I just want to say its people like you who make me smile. You never let anyone put you down and you dont put others down either. You never say hateful things back to you when ever someone rude, you take it strong and you hold your head high. You are beautiful no matter what people say or think. Everyone was put on this planet for a reason, to do something great with their life. You are an excellent writer. Your writing comes deep and from the heart and it means something. Stay strong beautiful!

    • I think I know who you are, although you don’t have to reveal yourself. Whomever you may be I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. I’m glad that I make you smile, after I recovered from depression that was my goal. I’m glad that you see my heart in each piece. Writing has always seemed to be my escape from the world around me. I’m glad that you think I am strong, because I often feel that because of my anxiety attacks people might see me as weak. I want you to know that you’re comment means alot to me and I am EXTREMELY grateful that you think that of me.

      Have a great summer, darling!
      -Kristan

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