Those days

There are those days where I feel so ADHD. We had morning rehearsal and I had zero desire to go. But, I had responsibility and I had to go through with it. So there I was, 7 am. Rehearsal wasn’t going to well, the director called me out a couple of times but it was nothing too out of the norm. There was a lot of hustle and bustle, along with all of chatter within the room. Although it might have not seem as though I was, I was trying my darnest to focus. Rehearsal ended and he said we were dismiss and it was followed by “Kristan, I need to see you in my office.” To be honest, I had no clue why on earth he wanted to talk to me. I sat down in his office and he asked me if I was taking medication, I told him I wasn’t. He followed by asking “what’s the solution?” I didn’t know and that’s what I responded. “What’s the solution? There has to be solution.” Well I’ll have you know, Mister, there isn’t always a solution. But for the sake of being respectful I said “I don’t know.. I’m trying.” He slams down a nickel on the table, “describe this coin, tell me the color of it, look at the big picture, look at the ridges” he kept overwhelming me with one thing after another to look at I never got a chance to say a word. The only thing that kept me from going into an anxiety attack was the fact that my leg was uncontrollably shaking through out the whole ordeal. He moved on to talking about how I didn’t know my music. I felt, I did. But I never said anything because I was afraid he’d do the same thing with my music. This entire time I wanted to say something, but I was speechless. I’m a talker and have a comeback for anything and everything, so to get me speechless you’ve shake me up real bad. I felt undignified, like an idiot. I do not want an apology from him. If he can’t see what he did was inhumane. Then I don’t need it. I don’t want pity or sympathy. I want him to know I never want him to make another kid feel as worthless as he made me feel that day. Because I left that room feeling worse than crap.


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