Grieving The Sister I Never Met

Sometimes as a kid, when I couldn’t sleep, my mom would tell me stories of a girl named Alexis. She’d tell the life that she lived, the craziness of sick baby. How my mom would fill a wagon with carpets, curtains, anything. Just to be able to make Lexie a home where ever she was. People would always tell me how pretty or amazing or strong she was. It sucks to hear people complain about their sister(s) to me, because I didn’t have the chance to have my sister.

I never got to meet her, but she still has affected my life and I still love her tons. She made me want to be what I want to be when I grow up. Most people don’t know what it’s like to grieve over someone you’ve never met, but I do. It doesn’t make sense, how would be able to grieve? I never knew her. But the thing about siblings is that you have a connection, a love, for each sibling you have which can never be separated even through death. There are days when I long to see her, to talk to her, to hug her. I just want to know her. There are days when I wish I could share clothes with her or get advice from her or have her braid my hair or fight with her. If I had the opportunity to have her, I’d even enjoy the moments she’d annoy me because I’d know what it’s like to long to know her.

The life that my sister led was short. What sucks about cancer is that it knows no limits it doesn’t see a child has yet to live a life or the fact that this is a family’s first child or even the fact that her one and only Christmas was in the hospital. It doesn’t see that it hurt so many people and leave them aching even twenty some odd years later.

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