An Open Letter to My (Future) Adopted Children

My darling,

As an adopted child, the world will want to tell you this or that. But as your momma, these are the things I want you to know.

Yeah, maybe you were a surprise, maybe you were unexpected. But you were not a “mistake”, nor were you unwanted. For so many years, I eagerly waited for the moment I was able to start the adoption process, I couldn’t wait for you to be mine! I couldn’t wait to get to know you all your quirks and mannerisms. Your laugh, your smile, all the ways you are like your birth parents and the ways you are like me. I couldn’t wait to see your bright big eyes hungry for all the world had to offer. I couldn’t wait to see all that you are and all that you would become. I wanted you.

I want you to know that it might not have been only me that wanted to have you, just because your biological parents placed you for adoption doesn’t mean that they didn’t want or love you.

Being a parent is all about sacrifice and making the best decision for your child, even if it goes against your own desires. Sometimes the best decision can be the hardest one to make.

“Giving up” sounds so harsh, “giving up” makes it sounds like it’s the easy way out. But it’s really not. I can only imagine how hard it must be to go through nine months of the baby being with you. You have all these people that come up to you and touch the baby, ask you if it’s a boy or a girl, what’s its name, if you’re excited just to tell them that you’re not keeping it. I can only imagine the amount of shame and guilt that people feed you that you’re placing your child in a better home. I can only imagine the amount of pain that a birth mother goes through to go through grueling hours (maybe even days) of labor to leave the hospital with nothing but some photos and a promise to keep in touch.

Your birth parents have to be tough cookies to be able to do what they did and to be honest, if placed in a similar situation I’m not sure what in the world I would’ve done.

They say your parents make you the person that you are and I hope you include your birth parents into that. Without their decision, you might not have the same opportunities or interests. If you were still with them, you wouldn’t have been to the same places that you have, or met the same people.

My child,

As your adoptive mother, I’m so lucky and grateful to have you love and respect me as your mom. But I hope that you love and respect your biological parents first. I don’t want to you to be bitter towards them. I’m not sure what our journey will be order to finally have you in our little family, but whether you’ve been placed in one home or you’ve been through hundreds of different foster homes and been let down a million times, I hope you never blame your birth parents for that. They never wanted that for you, they loved you so much that they gave you to a place that said they would find you a good home, a better life. So please don’t blame them. Love them, because they loved you first and if they hadn’t made the same choices, we may have never met.

I’m so glad to have you in my life, you have had a piece of my heart even before I knew your name.

I love you,

Mom

Other Adoption Related Blogs:

A letter to my future child’s biological mother

Why I Want to Adopt My (Future) Child

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4 thoughts on “An Open Letter to My (Future) Adopted Children

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