Ten years ago, I never thought there would be a day where I would able to say you were not my best friend. I thought that we’d get matching tattoos, that you’d be the maid of honor at my wedding, that I’d be your child’s godmother, and that one day we’d grow old in rocking chairs talking about the good old days.
Today, I don’t know you. You don’t know me, either. Things we used to know about each other like the back of our hands have now faded and our friendship has become nothing but a mere memory. I want to say I could’ve done more salvage our failed friendship, but I can’t. I did everything I could, I texted, called, even visited you when you moved away. You pushed me away, but I never gave up hope that our friendship could make it through everything.
Then came January 31st and I realized I was so sadly wrong. You know what happened so I won’t blast you on the internet. But just know I was mad, hurt, upset, frustrated, sad. Most of all, I was disappointed.
Yes, at you, and the way everything played out, and how you never apologized. But more so at me, I was so foolish. Looking back, I see where everything fell apart. I know there were a million warning signs. Part of me regrets not paying attention to the red flags. But that isn’t me, you know that. It’s just not in me to give up on someone I love so easily.
It hurts, when my brother talks to yours, when they mention your name, when other people ask me about how you are doing, when I see our journals stacked up in my closet. I put up a thick shell when I think about you, because I want to be over it. But I hurt.
I wish I hated you, sulking in a ball of bitterness would be so much easier. But I can’t help it, I still care about you. I would probably would still do anything for you. I hope that life is treating you right and you get all the things you’ve dreamed for. I hope that everything is good. I really do. I’ll still smile when I eat peanut butter and goldfish, hear “I Will Possess Your Heart” by Death Cab for Cutie, or see a pair of green neon socks.
I’m thankful for our failed friendship because it makes me value my current best friend so much more. She’s done more for me in one year than you ever did in ten. Most people will think I’m exaggerating but my parents know I’m telling the truth. I finally have a friendship where I receive as much as I give. I’m thankful for our friendship because I now know that not a lot of people are like Nat, so I better not take advantage of her. So thank you for that.
You’ll forever be included in some of my life’s sweetest memories.