Is ADHD a disability?

When I read about celebrities who have ADHD, I kinda get annoyed. Not because they have ADHD, but because often it is worded as such: “(Celebrity) suffers from ADHD.” I don’t suffer from ADHD. I mean some days it feels like my minds running a marathon, while other days feel like I am going through an obstacle course. But when someone does those things we don’t say they suffered from a obstacle course. That’s just weird.

My ADHD isn’t a weakness, it’s a different set of strengths. It’s like when I was a kid, I always thought my brother was smarter than me. That was until I learn about Gardner’s Theory of Multiple Intelligences. It was then that I realized my brother wasn’t smarter than me, he’s just a different type of smart.

Yes, I may not be able to pay attention in the same situations as you, I may have to ask more questions, I may unconsciously shake my leg, but that just means in other situations where you may struggle in, I may thrive.

We grow up teaching children they are special, no one is quite like you, God broke the mold when He created you. Yet when they grow up, we are trying them to conform them to the standards of other children their age, when all this time you told them they were meant to be different.

So what it takes them a little extra time to pick up reading? So what they aren’t going at the same pace as others? So what they don’t do things the way that you wanted them to? We as a society worry so much about the journey, when it was never about the journey in the first place. It’s about making it to the finish line. It was about who made it to the end.

It reminds me about the story of The Tortoise and the Hare, we prematurely assume that because the tortoise goes at a slower pace that he will lose. But because he is slower he is more determined to finish. It isn’t the best who make it, it’s the determined. The tortoise despite is disadvantages makes it to the finish line, that’s all that matters. Winning the race, that’s just gravy.

My ADHD isn’t a disability. A disability broken down into in its simplest definition is inability to do something. There’s nothing I can’t do. And you can bet your buttons my ADHD has not, can not, will not ever stop me from doing anything my spunky little heart desires.

Heck yeah, it takes me longer to get things done, heck yeah I get side tracked. Heck yeah, I get fixated. Heck yeah, sometimes I hyperfocus on the wrong things. But did I make it? Heck yeah. Why? Because I’m determined to make it happen.

So yeah, I may be different than the pack, but were we ever meant to fit in?


Those days

There are those days where I feel so ADHD. We had morning rehearsal and I had zero desire to go. But, I had responsibility and I had to go through with it. So there I was, 7 am.

Rehearsal wasn’t going to well, the director called me out a couple of times but it was nothing too out of the norm. There was a lot of hustle and bustle, along with all of chatter within the room. Although it might have not seem as though I was, I was trying my darnest to focus.

Rehearsal ended and he said we were dismiss and it was followed by “Kristan, I need to see you in my office.” To be honest, I had no clue why on earth he wanted to talk to me.

I sat down in his office and he asked me if I was taking medication, I told him I wasn’t. He followed by asking “what’s the solution?” I didn’t know and that’s what I responded. “What’s the solution? There has to be solution.” Well I’ll have you know, Mister, there isn’t always a solution. But for the sake of being respectful I said “I don’t know.. I’m trying.” He slams down a nickel on the table, “describe this coin, tell me the color of it, look at the big picture, look at the ridges” he kept overwhelming me with one thing after another to look at I never got a chance to say a word.

The only thing that kept me from going into an anxiety attack was the fact that my leg was uncontrollably shaking through out the whole ordeal. He moved on to talking about how I didn’t know my music. I felt, I did. But I never said anything because I was afraid he’d do the same thing with my music. This entire time I wanted to say something, but I was speechless.

I’m a talker and have a comeback for anything and everything, so to get me speechless you’ve shake me up real bad. I felt undignified, like an idiot.

I do not want an apology from him. If he can’t see what he did was inhumane. Then I don’t need it. I don’t want pity or sympathy. I want him to know I never want him to make another kid feel as worthless as he made me feel that day. Because I left that room feeling worse than crap.

Understanding us.

The thing about ADHD is people think you’re lazy, dumb, or just plain odd. but people gotta to realize that we’re not the only one. There are plenty of us out there we just don’t see it, because we’re constantly being told that we’re lazy, crazy and stupid. but we gotta realize that people will never understand no matter how much we want them to it’s not going to happen. we will never be able to force this thought that ADHD kids are NOT lazy or dumb or odd. Like earlier today someone was like “I know you don’t like to do this…” and I’m like “woah woah woah, kid..I never said I didn’t like it. Honestly, I never heard him tell me to do anything” Us ADHDer gotta realize ONLY we are the only ones who can understand our minds. ADHD isn’t something as obvious like downs (nothing against them or that community) that is visible to the eye. We gotta understand people will never understand us but us. And that’s okay.  😀 WE WILL BE OKAY:D



Being ADHD

It’s not a matter of being smart or not. I know I’m smart, yeah I’m no Einstein but I’d like to think of myself as pretty average.

People don’t seem to get, like I say I’m ADHD and they think I’m some kid who is bouncing off the walls or that kid that’s always tapping on the desk. Quite frankly, I can’t stand that. I’m not the same; I get distracted, I forget, I feel cluttered and confused.

But that doesn’t make me any less smart, though when you mess up and forget this one part of essay or that one reason why the answer is correct, and keep on reading sentence over and over again. And if that’s not enough, keep on getting paper that has a big giant “F” on them it tends to get to you. You tell your teachers about your problems but that doesn’t seem to help, to be honest they don’t care. You’re just one of their one-hundred and fifty-two students, and they are just trying to meet the district standards.

I feel as if I am swimming, not swimming but drowning and I’m yelling “HELP! HELP! HELP! SAVE ME!” and they are like “But this other kid can do it, why can’t you? You’re not a baby anymore. Pay more attention next time.” I’m not looking for sympathy, that’s just not my thing. I need someone to help me able to feel like everyone else. That is hard me to say, I don’t ask for help. I just can’t. I feel like I am running ten marathons but to everyone else I’m just running a mile. I feel like I try SO HARD, but it’ll never be good enough. They still tell me to try harder.

I don’t know what to do any more. I just wanna hide. I wanna go away, where no one can see me or judge me. Just me in my chaotic serenity, where I can be me and it’ll be okay. Where being me is good enough.

People tell me “it’s not like it changed anything about you”. No it hasn’t but it’s not like when they diagnosed you they hand you a packet and are like “Hi! You’ve been diagnosed with ADHD; here are your pills and magic solutions to making life completely simple”. No, they give you a pill but that just helps you pay attention. It doesn’t help you remember. It doesn’t help you get it. You work at it and work at it and even when it doesn’t work you still are working at it.

They tell “pay more attention next time!” Yeah, with what attention span! Like it’s that simple; one, two, three, we are done! It’s not as easy to deal with, as it may seem. To be honest it’s REALLY tough and that’s not the worst part.

The worst part is that no seems to get me, nothing or no one seems to help. People don’t seem to be able to relate, no matter how hard they try. Ya know what else peeves me, when people say “OH! I’m SO ADHD” to me they don’t seem like it at all, so I ask “what do you take?” so whatever they’re taking must be the “good stuff”and their response is “Nothing, but I am SO sure I’m ADHD!” It’s like no, you don’t!

The other thing that peeves me is when people say ADHD is just an excuse to take medicine it’s like “hun, if I didn’t have to take this pill, promise me! I wouldn’t!” So, yes, ADHD really exists. Quite frankly if I didn’t have it my life would be so easy.

They say you’re special and no other person is like you yet they act as if everyone is the same. The only thing that helps me is the thought that one day all this will be gone and it’ll be easier, I know it will. It just takes time, I guess..