Why I want to adopt my (future) child

When I mention my desire to adopt a child, often people ask me “why?” Why would a girl who is 19 years old have such a strong desire to adopt when there is no apparent reason that would make her unable to conceive, carry, and birth a child of her own womb? Why would I want to put myself through the struggles of adoption?

I’m not afraid of what will happen because I chose to adopt, I am afraid of what will happen if I chose not to.

Here are some fast facts about adoption and foster care:

  • Approximately 2.5% of all U.S. children are adopted.
  • According to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, Administration for Children and Families, in 2013, more than 23,000 young people aged out of foster care without permanent families.
  • Research has shown that these children who leave foster care without being linked to forever families have a higher likelihood to experience homelessness, unemployment and incarceration as adults.

These kids are not looking for much, they don’t want the newest and greatest toy. They just want stability and love. Don’t get me wrong, I want to have bio kids, but I want to adopt too.

I’m aware of the struggles of adopting. I’ve talked to kids who were adopted, I’ve talked to parents who have adopted. I know that it won’t be easy. I know it might be a long and grueling process. I know there will be days I wonder if I’m cut out for the job. But this is what I want. I want to get a child, I want them to know I chose them. I didn’t get them because I didn’t have any other choice. (Author’s note: I’m not saying that adopting because you can’t conceive is bad.) I just want my baby to know that I picked them, I wanted them and they are immensely loved by me.

People tell me “well you never know what you’re going to get when you adopt.” That’s true, I don’t know if my kid will have dyslexia, ADHD, SIDS, or even cancer. But I won’t know if my kid will have any of those even if it’s my own biological child. I feel like God will prepare me for whatever child I am meant for.

If I only have them for one day or all the days of my life, I promise I’ll give them all the love I can. I promise I will take care of them the best I can. I will make sure they know they are some of the greatest people that I’ll ever get to know.

When all the other girls were dreaming of their weddings, their husbands, the flowers, the cake, the dress. I was dreaming of something different.  I was dreaming of the day I’d adopt the most lovely little soul I’d ever lay my eyes on. It’s something I’ve wanted to do since I was in 4th grade. I know that life is so uncertain, and so many things may change from now to then. But the one thing in my life that I feel absolutely certain that I am meant to do one thing, adopt a kid.

 To donate to my birthday fundraiser to make duffle bags for foster kids, click here!

Other Adoption Related Blogs:

A letter to my future child’s biological mother

An Open Letter to My (Future) Adopted Children

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An open letter to my future child’s biological mother

All my life when little girls were dreaming about their wedding day, I dreamed about being a mother. I thought about my baby, about what type of momma I’d be. But I thought of you, too.

Who are you? Are you my age that I am when I’m writing this? A teenager confused and engulfed in all the major decisions adulthood has imparted on you. Are you the age I am when I meet our sweet soul? Are you just not wanting a baby right now.. or even ever? What’s your story?

Because I want our baby to know your story too. It’s important to them, to me, to you. Whatever is it, we’ll love you regardless.

Today is a day filled with various emotions for the both of us. Both bitter and sweet, several beginnings and one ending. The end of this baby being in your care, now they’ll will be in mine. I want to promise you that I will forever love our little joybug. I’ll always remind them of whom they belong to, both me their father’s and yours. That they are so loved by all of us. That they are so special and important.

You gave me a gift of love. The smile and laughter that will enter my home will soon be irreplaceable. The connection we make will be special.

But I want you to know he’s yours too if you want that. No, you may not always have a say in his/her parenting.. and we might not always agree on everything. But I want you to have as much communication with him/her as you would like.

My connection with out baby is special and important. But so is yours. I want you to get to know our little beam of sunshine and all the ways they’re like each of us. Because a baby can never have too much love in its life. I never want to take them away from you. They need you as much as they need me.

So as you leave the hospital today this isn’t a goodbye. It’s an I’ll write you, I’ll talk to you, I’ll snuggle with you, I’ll laugh with you, I’ll watch you, I’ll play with you, I’ll see you later.

 

 

Other Adoption Related Blogs:

Why I want to adopt my (future) child

An Open Letter to My (Future) Adopted Children

An Open Letter to My (Future) Adopted Children

My darling,

As an adopted child, the world will want to tell you this or that. But as your momma, these are the things I want you to know.

Yeah, maybe you were a surprise, maybe you were unexpected. But you were not a “mistake”, nor were you unwanted. For so many years, I eagerly waited for the moment I was able to start the adoption process, I couldn’t wait for you to be mine! I couldn’t wait to get to know you all your quirks and mannerisms. Your laugh, your smile, all the ways you are like your birth parents and the ways you are like me. I couldn’t wait to see your bright big eyes hungry for all the world had to offer. I couldn’t wait to see all that you are and all that you would become. I wanted you.

I want you to know that it might not have been only me that wanted to have you, just because your biological parents placed you for adoption doesn’t mean that they didn’t want or love you.

Being a parent is all about sacrifice and making the best decision for your child, even if it goes against your own desires. Sometimes the best decision can be the hardest one to make.

“Giving up” sounds so harsh, “giving up” makes it sounds like it’s the easy way out. But it’s really not. I can only imagine how hard it must be to go through nine months of the baby being with you. You have all these people that come up to you and touch the baby, ask you if it’s a boy or a girl, what’s its name, if you’re excited just to tell them that you’re not keeping it. I can only imagine the amount of shame and guilt that people feed you that you’re placing your child in a better home. I can only imagine the amount of pain that a birth mother goes through to go through grueling hours (maybe even days) of labor to leave the hospital with nothing but some photos and a promise to keep in touch.

Your birth parents have to be tough cookies to be able to do what they did and to be honest, if placed in a similar situation I’m not sure what in the world I would’ve done.

They say your parents make you the person that you are and I hope you include your birth parents into that. Without their decision, you might not have the same opportunities or interests. If you were still with them, you wouldn’t have been to the same places that you have, or met the same people.

My child,

As your adoptive mother, I’m so lucky and grateful to have you love and respect me as your mom. But I hope that you love and respect your biological parents first. I don’t want to you to be bitter towards them. I’m not sure what our journey will be order to finally have you in our little family, but whether you’ve been placed in one home or you’ve been through hundreds of different foster homes and been let down a million times, I hope you never blame your birth parents for that. They never wanted that for you, they loved you so much that they gave you to a place that said they would find you a good home, a better life. So please don’t blame them. Love them, because they loved you first and if they hadn’t made the same choices, we may have never met.

I’m so glad to have you in my life, you have had a piece of my heart even before I knew your name.

I love you,

Mom

Other Adoption Related Blogs:

A letter to my future child’s biological mother

Why I Want to Adopt My (Future) Child