Diaries of a Missionary’s Best Friend: A NEW BLOG!

Yep, you read it right! I’m starting a new blog!

Why?

Well, this blog is for my thoughts (hence the name), and while Nat is within my thoughts, it’s not a constant thing like the blog series makes seem. This blog was originally supposed to be about dealing with ADHD and social anxiety and it has come to the point that if my readers come to see that stuff they have to scroll and scroll and scroll to see my ADHD and anxiety content.

But that doesn’t mean I don’t love Diaries of a Missionary’s Best Friend. I love Diaries of a Missionary’s Best Friend and I’ll forever be proud of it being my first blog series. It’s just has became much bigger than I originally anticipated. The popularity it has brought to my blog is really awesome, but this baby has grown too big for this blog nest. So now this bird has to fly! I will keep a couple of my most popular and favorite posts, but for the most part all of my blog post past, present, and future will be kept there!

So if you want to continue to watch Nat’s and my journey on the new Diaries of a Missionary’s Best Friend website click here!

Thank you for all the love and support.

Your favorite Missionary’s bff,

-kristan

 

Diaries of a Missionary’s Best Friend: Day 42

A Note from the Blogger: I am Kristan Saucedo, I am a Pentecost. My specific denomination is Assemblies of God. However, my best friend, Natalie is a Mormon. As of April 20th, she is a missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in Seattle, Washington. Now that I have made that clear. This blog series will be a collection of thoughts that I have while she is away from me for a year and a half.  None of the things that are said in this blog series reflect the views or beliefs of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints or Natalie herself. It’s just mine, Kristan Saucedo. A Pentecost, a psychology nerd, a student, a daughter, a sister, and a Missionary’s Best Friend.

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42 day, man. There’s so many changes going on. I’m going to my summer classes, I’m rearranging my room, I’m getting rid of a bunch of junk (and not just material items,) embracing the new changes.

About this time last year, we were embracing some new changes. High school graduation. They were scary. But the best new change was our friendship. Nat and I met in sophomore year, I don’t remember it. She does. My chemistry class went over to her chemistry class and watch some lame video, which led to little conversation.

We had the same friend group, and yeah, I knew her name and all but I didn’t really talk to her til the second semester of our senior year. We had journalism together. It was a majority freshmen class with five seniors. We all sat together from the beginning, minus Natalie, and dubbed our corner of the room the “Senior Corner.” Come second semester, a new girl came and stole Nat’s spot and she had to come all the way from the front right side of the classroom to the far left.

We started talking more and she immediately given this gift of always being able to read my emotions. I hated that. I am typically one to make feelings known, just only once I am absolutely certain about them. Her knowing my emotions made my emotions obvious before I wanted them to be. I hated that. I hate talking about my feeling and being vulnerable. She loved doing that.

I remember her writing in my yearbook “keep in touch after I we graduate” and I was like “psh, that’s not gonna happen..” I thought Nat was going to be one of those people you meet in high school and forget about two months later. I thought that once she moved to Utah after graduation, that was it. It wasn’t. We skyped lots, and texted more. We counted down the days til she came home and then the days til I went to Utah.

Life had way different plans than we had planned, but I hope life continues to pleasantly surprise us.

-kas

ps- here’s a pic of us from graduation, which btw is still to this day my favorite picture of us.

gradnat
Natalie and me on the bus ride to graduation

Diaries of a Missionary’s Best Friend: Day 35

A Note from the Blogger: I am Kristan Saucedo, I am a Pentecost. My specific denomination is Assemblies of God. However, my best friend, Natalie is a Mormon. As of April 20th, she is a missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in Seattle, Washington. Now that I have made that clear. This blog series will be a collection of thoughts that I have while she is away from me for a year and a half.  None of the things that are said in this blog series reflect the views or beliefs of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints or Natalie herself. It’s just mine, Kristan Saucedo. A Pentecost, a psychology nerd, a student, a daughter, a sister, and a Missionary’s Best Friend.

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I’ve got a confession: I’m insecure. I’m a wildly insecure person.

I never feel “good enough.” I never feel like I’m top stuff. I feel like there will always be someone who will be able to one up me. Even now, that Natalie has said all this hooplah that we are best friends forever and she has trusted me with so much stuff. I still question if I am really her best friend.

I hate that there is this real, undeniable fear that she will find someone better than me while she is on her mission. She had best friends before me, I did too. What is to say that she won’t have another best friend after me? What if she is able to connect with them better than I do? What  if they are better than me? What if they have more in common because they are LDS and I am not? What then?

How am I supposed to match up to that? Gosh, man. Nat will think that this is silly and probably say that wouldn’t happen. But seriously dude, in all realness I’m scared. I hate that this is one of my biggest, realest fears I have in my life.

We aren’t talking as much anymore, maybe because I don’t have much to say, maybe because she doesn’t have time to talk, maybe we are fading, maybe we are going through something. I don’t know.

I know, if you are a fellow missionary’s bestie like me,  I’m not making you feel any better. Honestly, I’m sorry. I always want this blog series to reassure you that what you are going through is normal for a non-normal circumstance and I always want to uplift your spirits. But I promised myself when I started this I’d be 100% honest to everyone, you (the reader), Natalie, myself, and God. So that’s what I am doing. Even when it hurts.

-kas

 

Diaries of a Missionary’s Best Friend: Day 28

A Note from the Blogger: I am Kristan Saucedo, I am a Pentecost. My specific denomination is Assemblies of God. However, my best friend, Natalie is a Mormon. As of April 20th, she is a missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in Seattle, Washington. Now that I have made that clear. This blog series will be a collection of thoughts that I have while she is away from me for a year and a half.  None of the things that are said in this blog series reflect the views or beliefs of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints or Natalie herself. It’s just mine, Kristan Saucedo. A Pentecost, a psychology nerd, a student, a daughter, a sister, and a Missionary’s Best Friend.

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PSA: WE HAVE OFFICIALLY MADE IT ONE MONTH APART AS OF THIS WEEK! SEVENTEEN MORE TO GO!! WE CAN DO THIS!

We now return you to your previously scheduled blog.

When I was a kid, my mom always had us writing notes and letters. It was common to have one of us sitting at the dinner table either writing a thank you note or an apology letter. Heck, I even had a best friend journal-diary for six years, and have had a blog for about that long, as well. It’s kind of a skill that I developed over time and never had a really appreciation for it until now. Because before I never had use for it, ya know?

Before Nat left for Seattle, I wrote Natalie a lot of letters. Thirty letters to be exact. There were a range of topics, one for her 20th birthday, one for when she just can’t handle people, one for New Year’s, one for when she wants to hear my puns, one for when she need some Disney, and even one for when she meets “the one.” No, not all of the events will take place. But the commitment I made to her when we became best friends was that I’d be there for her no matter what. Come hail or high water you bet your last dime, I’ll make a way to be there for my girl. Those letters are my way of having me with her even when I can’t physically be there for her.

Writing to her is vital to keeping our friendship alive, if I stop writing her, we stop talking, if we stop talking, she’ll forget about me, if she forgets me, our friendship is dead. I can’t have her forget about me, our friendship can’t die. This can’t be it. I write and write and write, and even when I’m not writing I’m writing. Some type of  communication makes this unusual friendship a little more usual, a little more normal.

There’s been so much going on, a lot of really personal stuff. It sucks not being able to escape with her and just vent about it all. It sucks feeling alone. I miss our country driving. I miss jamming out in her car til we forget all our problems. I miss crying with her. I miss her. It’s the hard days that make missing her that much harder.

It’s been one month. Twenty-eight days. It feels weird. I mean it feels like it’s been forever, but yet only one day in the same breath. I know that doesn’t make sense but it is like even though it has been a long time since I’ve seen her face, and boy has it been long. At the same time, it doesn’t feel like a long time at all. It feels like it’s only been two hot minutes. I guess that’s a good thing, right? I just have to make it through 34 more hot minutes (17 [months left]*2 [hot minutes!])

I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this.I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I’ll have to work on my channeling of The Little Tank Engine that Could.

Whatever happens, I’ll trust in Him and continue to say it is well with my soul.

Whatever it may be, I will trust in Him. He’s got it, and I know that Nat thinks so too.

-kas

 

 

 

Diaries of a Missionary’s Best Friend: Day 1

A Note from the Blogger: I am Kristan Saucedo, I am a Pentecost. My specific denomination is Assemblies of God. However, my best friend, Natalie is a Mormon. As of April 20th, she is a missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in Seattle, Washington. Now that I have made that clear. This blog series will be a collection of thoughts that I have while she is away from me for a year and a half.  None of the things that are said in this blog series reflect the views or beliefs of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints or Natalie herself. It’s just mine, Kristan Saucedo. A Pentecost, a psychology nerd, a student, a daughter, a sister, and a Missionary’s Best Friend.

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DAY ONE

Driving away from Natalie’s setting apart was probably one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. See, most of the times when I stop being in constant contact with a friend, it’s a slow drift of both parties getting caught up in new circumstances. It wasn’t something you knew was coming.

I knew Natalie was leaving. I knew April 18th she left for Utah and April 20th she was going to enter the MTC. But hugging her at her setting apart, I knew it would be the last time I’d get to for a year and a half.

Driving away I knew that the distance between us was only bound to get larger and larger until we were 2,116 miles apart. That the farthest we’ve ever been apart, for the longest time we’ve been apart, with the least amount of communication we’ve ever had. It was rough letting that set it.  

I feel like Day 1 will be the hardest. Today, I feel empty. Like there’s nothing left in my heart and it is simply a hollowed out shell. I cry, I cry, and I cry. I know that it doesn’t do anything but as hard as I try to hide them and make them disappear they just keep on coming. Like an endless stream of sadness on my face.

This week, the weather mocks my mood. It’s rainy, then hazy, it sprinkles, it has downpours, and for a small moment it’s a clear sky. But it eventually goes back to its originally rainy sky.

That’s me. Sometimes, I just sob. Sometimes, I am just sitting in my sadness. Sometimes, I don’t know really know how to feel.  And like the sky, sometimes, I have a moment where I forget. But then I am reminded when I go to text her and I remember she’s unable to respond to my messages. I knew she was gonna leave. We all knew. It just never hit me, it never seemed real. Not until today that is.

I believe missing someone is like an ocean. It comes in waves. Except it way more unpredictable. There are moments I’m okay, everything is good. But then out of no where something will happen, someone will say something and I’m back to the teary mess.

I miss Nat, a lot. I know she’d be laughing at my tears, I’d say “I hate you”  and she’d respond like she always does with a sassy “love you, too!” That’s just how she is, and I love her for it.

I hate it. I hate that I miss her. I hate the idea that something like Natalie leaving me bothers me so much. It shouldn’t. People leave all the time, to farther places too. But you she knows my heart and soul, my ins and outs. She gets me. It’s so hard to find someone who just gets me like you do.

It’s frustrating because for Mormons, this is a normal thing. You hit the age of 18 or 19, you go on a mission. All your life it’s just been how life has worked. But as a non-Mormon, it is rough. I am not used to that. I don’t have really any sense of what it will be like or what to expect all is I hate this. I hate feeling like she was ripped away from me.

I know it will all work out, and that one day it will be easier. I know there is a greater purpose for all of this. But I don’t see it yet, and that makes it just that much harder.

Ugh. I just want her back here. Now. I want her here with no hesitation. But a girl gots dreams, and as best friend I have to encourage them and support them. No matter how hard it is for me. I promise you, it’s the hardest thing ever. But we will make it, we can make it through anything.

I love you, Bo Jangles. I miss you, my friend.

 

-kristan