A Note from the Blogger: I am Kristan Saucedo, I am a Pentecost. My specific denomination is Assemblies of God. However, my best friend, Natalie is a Mormon. As of April 20th, she is a missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in Seattle, Washington. Now that I have made that clear. This blog series will be a collection of thoughts that I have while she is away from me for a year and a half. None of the things that are said in this blog series reflect the views or beliefs of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints or Natalie herself. It’s just mine, Kristan Saucedo. A Pentecost, a psychology nerd, a student, a daughter, a sister, and a Missionary’s Best Friend.
Driving away from Natalie’s setting apart was probably one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. See, most of the times when I stop being in constant contact with a friend, it’s a slow drift of both parties getting caught up in new circumstances. It wasn’t something you knew was coming.
I knew Natalie was leaving. I knew April 18th she left for Utah and April 20th she was going to enter the MTC. But hugging her at her setting apart, I knew it would be the last time I’d get to for a year and a half.
Driving away I knew that the distance between us was only bound to get larger and larger until we were
I feel like Day 1 will be the hardest. Today, I feel empty. Like there’s nothing left in my heart and it is simply a hollowed out shell. I cry, I cry, and I cry. I know that it doesn’t do anything but as hard as I try to hide them and make them disappear they just keep on coming. Like an endless stream of sadness on my face.
This week, the weather mocks my mood. It’s rainy, then hazy, it sprinkles, it has downpours, and for a small moment it’s a clear sky. But it eventually goes back to its originally rainy sky.
That’s me. Sometimes, I just sob. Sometimes, I am just sitting in my sadness. Sometimes, I don’t know really know how to feel. And like the sky, sometimes, I have a moment where I forget. But then I am reminded when I go to text her and I remember she’s unable to respond to my messages. I knew she was gonna leave. We all knew. It just never hit me, it never seemed real. Not until today that is.
I believe missing someone is like an ocean. It comes in waves. Except it way more unpredictable. There are moments I’m okay, everything is good. But then out of no where something will happen, someone will say something and I’m back to the teary mess.
I miss Nat, a lot. I know she’d be laughing at my tears, I’d say “I hate you” and she’d respond like she always does with a sassy “love you, too!” That’s just how she is, and I love her for it.
I hate it. I hate that I miss her. I hate the idea that something like Natalie leaving me bothers me so much. It shouldn’t. People leave all the time, to farther places too. But you she knows my heart and soul, my ins and outs. She gets me. It’s so hard to find someone who just gets me like you do.
It’s frustrating because for Mormons, this is a normal thing. You hit the age of 18 or 19, you go on a mission. All your life it’s just been how life has worked. But as a non-Mormon, it is rough. I am not used to that. I don’t have really any sense of what it will be like or what to expect all is I hate this. I hate feeling like she was ripped away from me.
I know it will all work out, and that one day it will be easier. I know there is a greater purpose for all of this. But I don’t see it yet, and that makes it just that much harder.
Ugh. I just want her back here. Now. I want her here with no hesitation. But a girl gots dreams, and as best friend I have to encourage them and support them. No matter how hard it is for me. I promise you, it’s the hardest thing ever. But we will make it, we can make it through anything.
I love you, Bo Jangles. I miss you, my friend.